The Crazy World Of Football

A Short Chat with Peter Kenyon (Have I signed Michael Ballack?)

When I spoke to Michael about his exit from Bayern last month, he confirmed that he will be joining Chelsea, so there was no surprise that reports yesterday mentioned that he has done so. But what was surprising is that Michael has denied that he has done so. So, which is which? Has he signed for Chelsea or not? I have to talk to the man who is responsible for this; Peter Kenyon, CEO of Chelsea FC.

CrazyGuru : Good Morning Mr Kenyon.

Peter Kenyon : Yes, Gd Morning.

CG : So, there are contradicting reports about whether "not-a-secret-at-all" signing of Michael Ballack by Chelsea. Yesterday it was all done but today it is like not yet. So, which is correct?

PK : Well, you know. Contracts are about black and white. So, until they are in black and white, we cannot say that it is done. Anything can happen.

CG : So, you are saying it is not done?

PK : It will be....eventually. But at this moment it is not done.

CG : So, what happened? I mean, everybody knows that Michael will join Chelsea so there should be no reason for reporters to make this up unless it is a done deal.

PK : Reporters are reporters. They exaggerate or make things out of air. They probably knew about my meeting with Michael few days ago at Munich.

CG : What was the meeting about?

PK : I wanted to show Michael the contract. It was basically done up and ready for him to sign. My style is that I will prepare all the contracts with different terms. I always show the cheapest one of course.

CG : Meaning...?

PK : It means that I will only give the player a lesser salary and terms, etc....

CG : I see....ok. Why so?

PK : You know, they say....if you give peanuts, you get monkeys. So, I want to offer "peanuts" to Michael first and if he signed, I know he is a monkey. Then I know he will not be a big player in Chelsea. Also, I will offer lengthy contract. And if the players prefer that, then I can tell you, he is a monkey that likes fishing. Because a lengthy contract at his age(30) means that he is planning for his retirement. Retirees likes to fish, you know.

CG : So, what was the outcome?

PK : Yes, he is a fishing monkey. He signed the cheapest offer and opted for a four year contract.

CG : I see....if that is the case, why then is it not a done deal? Since he has already signed.

PK : He isn't just a fishing monkey. He is more than that. It was unexpected, so we can't sign there and then.

CG : What else is he looking for?

PK : He wants the captaincy. How can we give him that? John Terry is doing a great job now. Even if John is not available, Frank can do a very good job. You know, when he told me he wanted to be the captain, my mind suddenly see a monkey with his fishing rod boarding a bus and take over the driving wheel. And there is a full load of passengers in the bus. It is going to be a diaster.

CG : So, you decided not to offer the contract?

PK : No, no.....it is just that I need to discuss with Mourinho. This is not within my scope.

CG : I see.

PK : Ok, I got to go. Mourinho is waiting for me to discuss on this issue. Later man.

CG : Ok, see you.
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"A short chat" is a fictional conversation that came to CrazyGuru's mind while daydreaming.

posted by PengSoon @ 8:48 AM